Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Widow Wednesday--Nightfall

I have always been afraid to be alone at night. I never minded Ray going out with his friends, as an introvert I preferred to stay home while he went out, but wanted him home before bed. As it would get dark I would get anxious and hear every little noise.

When he died I was suddenly alone in a house at night and would lay in bed petrified to close my eyes. Every little noise scaring me and waking me. How was I going to sleep?

Ray's brother decided to stay with us Tue-Thurs nights to help me out and so I wasn't alone. On the other nights we would go to my parent's house and stay the night. The girls weren't in school and I was able to come and go as I pleased so this worked. Slowly as the girls got older and in school I realized I needed to learn to be able to be alone with them.

My sister started coming over once a week and my bil continued to come over once a week. This gave me a little break, sometimes I would go to the store or just sit and do nothing for a bit.

This continued for quite a while until finally I realized that company was cutting into the girl's bedtimes and I also was sometimes frustrated with people always over.

I slowly became more confident in my ability to be alone with them at night and not scared of everything, waking up less and less at night. I still do on occasion, but not like I used to. I have had some scary situations and called people for help and luckily have a great support system that I can count on that will be over in .2 seconds if I need them.

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