Tuesday, January 5, 2021

New Year

I haven't blogged much in the past year and I miss it. I started this as a way to share many things and even though I felt I had more time this past year, I had less. I was able to accomplish so much in my house over this past year though and hope to be able to share some of it. 

I so often had ideas for posts in my mind and then never got around to actually typing them out. This year I hope to make blogging my thing again. When I started my blog I didn't necessarily "plan out" my posts like a lot of bloggers do. I didn't keep a calendar so I wasn't constantly sharing the same stuff on my posts. For some strange reason I haven't wanted to go back and reread my posts either. Maybe I don't want to relive some of what I shared!? I am not sure but regardless I feel it is time so I don't keep sharing the same stuff. 

I also felt with covid some of what I was sharing might not be relevant or might be insensitive, ie sales and outfit posts. Even though it seemed people were buying online more than ever, I didn't feel it was the right thing to post. I know for some scrolling online is an escape and some bloggers used that as their reason to continue, I felt differently and chose to take a break. 

Even though half of this year was spent in lockdown I felt it flew by. This was the first time I can remember in a long time that I wasn't "running". No school, no sports, no photoshoots, no visiting relatives, we didn't leave the house. I spent a few weeks just reading and relaxing and it felt so good. After I was recharged I started on my projects. I did share my kitchen remodel on here in a blog post. 

I had two totally different experiences as far as at-home school and return to school was concerned with covid. I still have one daughter fully remote. I know I have shared a lot about my fight with their dyslexia on here. Maybe I will highlight this as an upcoming post. 

I have spent this year finally clearing things out. It only took 10 years, but I have finally started throwing things away and changing things. I have found I hoard things in case something happens or I need it one day. I have dresses that I kept because I had a photo of myself in it with Ray that I wouldn't get rid of. I have come to realize those things won't bring him back and the memory will still be there even if I get rid of the dress that I never wear. 

This year was hard because I lost my godmother, my aunt to cancer. She fought and battled for the last couple of years with it continuing to return in different ways. I didn't post anything on any social media about the loss but it was extremely difficult. My mom had asked if I wanted to see her when she was in hospice and I couldn't see her like that. Even while she was extremely sick and fighting cancer herself she sent the girls and I a card thinking of us on Ray's 10th anniversary. Not a holiday went by without her sending a card. She was the most thoughtful person and we spent our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without receiving those special cards from her and missing her. We couldn't even be together as a family as we normally would on the holidays. She will be greatly missed by me, she was always laughing, and had something to show me. 

The start of 2020 I thought might mean a better decade than the last. As I started 2010 with a husband dying of cancer. I also celebrated my 40th birthday this year. I wasn't expecting to be in the middle of a a pandemic and "stuck at home". 

I really hope in this new year I can continue to evolve and be more true to myself.  I hope to continue making our house more us. I hope that eventually we can venture out again and travel. I hope that my blog becomes a more regular spot for me to share again. 

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