Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Widow Wednesday--A club no one wants to be a part of

I am a very private person when it comes to my feelings and my personal life. I wasn't sure if this part of my life was something I wanted to share, but I remember when Ray was diagnosed and I scoured the bookstore, library, and internet for info on what to expect, what to do, etc. and found nothing. Most of the books were written by people at least twice my age. I felt like I was in this alone. No one understood. This was 8 years ago, so I am sure that things have changed and I would find way more information now but still feel like this is a part of me and something I have to share and hopefully someone else will connect with it.

As time has passed I have found it healing to connect with others that are in this "club". A club that no one ever expects to be in or wants to be in. I remember getting engaged and thinking how happy I was to never have to date again. To never have to be alone again. I remember marrying my husband and being so happy to have found my soulmate and person I was to spend my life with. You never expect all your hopes, dreams, and future instantly being taken away from you. No one else quite understands this besides others in the club.

I remember connecting with someone I was on a softball team with and meeting up to practice with her before the games. Just like me, she had two young daughters in tow. After knowing her for a few weeks, naturally we became Facebook friends. As I was scrolling through her Facebook I came upon a picture of a gravestone and wondered...are we in the same position? Next practice I asked her and found out her husband too had died of cancer leaving her alone with 2 young daughters. I felt an instant bond. I felt I could talk to her about things others couldn't and wouldn't understand. I was so grateful to have her as a friend and someone I could talk to that had been a part of the widow club for longer than me.

As time has passed other acquaintances have lost spouses and I have become friends with them. Lending an ear when they need it, or advice when they ask. Hoping I can be for them, what my friend has been for me. Someone that has experience through time with it. Everyone's journey is different though and everyone grieves differently, but it is so nice to have someone else to connect with along the journey. I hope that this portion of the blog is helpful to others that may be in this club or to someone that is trying to help or understand someone that is in this club. Every Wednesday I hope to share something widow related, tell a little of my story.

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